Know that your feelings about your weight and the feeling you create from overeating or depriving your- self are engaging you in a decoy struggle. It is a distraction from your real emotional life. It gets you thinking about food and your weight instead of what is really going on under the surface. Most of us former dieters are afraid of being deprived. We believe that trying to lose weight means that we will be deprived of joy, connection, foods we love, or a sense of belonging. Many diets that restrict us from eating in a normal way exacerbate these feelings. We have to prepare or order tasteless food. We can’t join in with cocktails or dessert and we can’t relax because we have to stay in control to prevent a slip in our diet. Unfortunately, to many of us, this is a familiar feeling. We may have grown up feeling disconnected from people around us in our families or in our schools. We use diets to repeat this pattern; isolation ensues. We believe deprivation feels awful. Deprivation from food is one thing, but deprivation from love and connection is worse. Most often, we deprive ourselves of our own love, time, and nurturing. Each time we try to feel, we rebel, playing this rebellion out by overeating. It’s good for immedi- ate gratification, but bad for our long term happiness. This great drama can fill our minds and keep us dis- tracted quite well. 100 • If IAm So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight?